“pash me outside, how pout dat” is a sweet passionfruit flavoured lip balm that contains five fantastically beneficial oils, cocoa butter and vitamin e – all of which will work together like those cool little environmental superheroes who battle evildoers who pollute the earth to leave your lips feeling like the sensual beasts they once were. You know, before they got totally fracked.
ingredients: theobroma cacao (cocoa) seed butter, euphorbia cerifera (candelilla) wax, oryza sativa (rice bran) oil, helianthus annuus (sunflower) seed oil, persea gratissima (avocado) oil, simmondsia chinensis (jojoba) seed oil, ricinus communis (castor seed) oil, flavour, oryza sativa (rice bran) wax, tocopherol (vitamin e).
palm-free, vegan-friendly, cruelty-free and contains no parables. Except for this one:
“The Drunkard” by Ignacy Krasicki
Having spent at the bottle many a night and day,
The ailing drunkard threw his mugs and glasses away;
He declared wine a tyrant, reviled beer, cursed out mead.
Then, his health restored… he’d no longer abstinence heed.”
I’m pretty sure the moral of the story is: buy my lip balm and don’t curse out your mead.